5:42am thoughts

“It is better to be prepared than it is to be hopeful.”

That’s what my mother said to me earlier in regards to my Uncle’s cancer. It made me think. So much of my time here has been about trying to be optimistic..hopeful…to keep the grand perspective and the goodness of the world in mind. But isn’t some level of reality necessary? Some degree of accepting the darkness of this world?

Maybe the trick is finding the balance. We cannot understand or appreciate good in this world without first knowing the bad. That’s a given. I think that those who have known and felt a decent amount of “bad” in this world tend to either be pessimists or optimists. I wonder what defines that line? Could it be the degree of bad that they’ve experienced, or the perspective that they’ve learned to integrate into their lives afterwards?

Sometimes I am overwhelmed at the amount of questions I have when it comes to suffering and our approach on life. I feel that it is yet another grand ideal to add to the mystery of the universe. We can never really know. We’ll never know why good things happen to bad people or why good things happen to bad people. We’ll never know why the guilt-free rapist lives a happy life surrounded by his loved ones while the caring family man who spends his life planning each move to ensure safety and comfort is suddenly plagued with an aggressive cancer. Why the poor mother who never found reciprocal love has to watch everybody around her leave, only to be left alone wondering why.

Maybe the universe has no reason. And maybe we have to be okay with that.