Isn’t it weird how we’re just here? Just humans on Earth, trying to figure out how to be successful but not even realizing the miracle it is that we are here. Right now. Maybe there’s a reason and maybe there’s not, but how crazy is it that we were just created and we are here on this planet with other people living out all of these socially-constructed values and ideas.
Lately I’ve been learning how to tune it out for a second. Clear out my head and just breathe and realize the moment I am in. I get so caught up in these little things I revolve my whole life around: homework, exams, friendships, family. What is the point? I am here and this is my time. It will be gone before I know it and my sole purpose is to live it out how I want to. To take my time as mine and do what I please with it.
I want to live in the mountains and to see the northern lights. I want to explore until I’ve seen everything. I want friends to love and things to look forward to. I want candles and fireplaces and the smell of Fall. I want a home. I want a place to think of as home that doesn’t make me sad. I want happiness and I want to do things that contribute to only that: happiness. I want poetry and acoustic guitars and lots and lots of red wine. I want moments of clarity and more bubble baths. I want to find the thing I’ve been looking for: that “something more” that I’ve always felt. I don’t know what it is but I know that its out there. And maybe its religion but maybe its a religion that only I can create in my head. Maybe its fulfilling this life that’s been given to me and maybe its living out all of these little things that fill me.
Do it for yourself, and yourself only. Find the things that make you whole and chase them; don’t let them go. If there is one thing I want in this world it is to sit in my old bed in my old home under my cracked window with the smell of crisp Fall night air coming through. And I know I will never have that again, but I will find that feeling again, and that is good enough.
Find these things and fill your soul with them.
“Do you wanna leave soon? No, I want enough time to be in love with everything…”